Note: I am not a mental health professional. Everything in this article is based on my personal experience and is shared for informational purposes only. Please reach out to a qualified therapist or counsellor if you are feeling overwhelmed.

I know the feeling. Maybe it is the disappointment of hearing "this isn't working anymore" from someone you had built plans with. Or maybe it is the dull ache in your chest when you realise you were never a priority to them. Either way, with a little patience and self-awareness, you can get back on your feet and become your best self again.
There is no way to prevent or cure heartbreak, but I hope this article helps you find some of the answers you are looking for the way it helped me through my own.

The breakup and whose fault it was

They broke the news to you. "This isn't working." Then they pulled away, without giving you the chance to understand why. So you go back through the texts. You replay every moment, searching for the reason, trying to justify the pain. You find nothing and you cry some more, or shut the whole world out.

Something that helped me through this stage was a video that said love was always in us, and that what we grieve is not the person but the feeling we had when we were around them. That feeling warmth, security, joy is what the brain craves. It is why you constantly need to hear from them.

So here is the point: you do not need to punish yourself for them leaving, or spend your energy trying to figure out whose fault it was. Your brain is simply grieving the good feeling it had when things were rosy, not the person themselves. When you look at it that way, you can separate the love you received from the hurt they caused. You start to see them as a full human being and ask yourself honestly whether you would want someone to treat your son or daughter the way they treated you. If the answer is no, take a breath and keep reading.

Feeling The Emotions

The emotions that come with a breakup are closer to grief than most people admit. Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross developed the Kübler-Ross Model to help people understand and navigate loss. Before this, you were probably feeling a storm of emotions without knowing what to call them. Let's label them, one by one.

Denial

You cannot believe the relationship is over. You call them back, send long messages, explain yourself anything to return things to how they were. What helped me was cutting contact completely. It is hard, but you need the space to accept reality. Talk to a friend, a family member, or a therapist if it feels like too much to carry alone.

Anger

Once you accept the breakup, the anger sets in. You see clearly how they treated you, and you start blaming yourself for allowing it. Write down what they did to you keep that list for the moments when you want to go back. Think also about the access and power you gave them. This is not about shame. It is about identifying patterns in yourself so that no one can take advantage of that need to be loved ever again.

Bargaining

You are doing the work, and then the thought creeps in: if I go back, everything will be fine. Do not make that call. Cry if you need to. Sit with the pain quietly and let yourself feel it it is normal. Then take out the list you wrote. Read it. Ask yourself whether you would rather be at peace alone, or back to begging for scraps of effort and attention.

"Let me hold your hand while I say this don't call them back"

Eva Said So

Depression

You accept it is over, and a heavy emptiness settles in. Be careful here this is the stage where it is easy to overeat, doomscroll, or slip into habits that do not serve you. Find something to do with your hands and your time. Mine was blogging. Call a friend. Have a real conversation one that has nothing to do with your ex.

Acceptance

You are finally free. You have accepted the breakup and stopped tracking what they are doing or who they are with. Until you genuinely reach this place, hold off on getting into a new relationship. Give yourself the closure of understanding why this one did not work then get on with your life.

Keep this in mind

The process is hard, and there will be days you want to give up on it. Do not give up on yourself. Your body and your mind deserve better than being broken down over someone who chose to leave. You are enough, with or without them.